I'm not in the depths of misery, but neither am I happy. I feel like a flat slope skier.
Skiing across flat ground is a challenge, an effort and a pain in the arse, so I'm probably considered all of those too. I mean, things aren't exactly bad. They've definitely been worse, and in fact 2011 started off appallingly in comparison.
I should be feeling more upbeat.
I have a new job to look forward to in a couple of days. I'll no longer be travelling 44 miles a day and spending £60 a week fuelling my car, and what's more, the entire operation was effortless! I decided to update my C.V., found a good job a mile from home, applied for it and got it. All within a week. That's lucky!
In addition to that, I've now got the one thing that I've been missing most since moving into my flat two years ago - a large flat screen TV with DVD player for my bedroom wall! Sounds trivial to most I'm sure, but it's been more of a challenge for me than you'd think, and I won't bore you with the reasons why. Complete with that, I'm getting Sky installed throughout in a couple of days, so gone will be the days of having to compromise with (or piss off) a flatmate with one shared TV in the sitting room. Admittedly it's never been that bad, but things could be better. And now they will be.
Financially things will be good. I have a lovely flatmate who I can't see any indication of leaving anytime soon and I'll be significantly better off from losing that commute. That means more money towards enjoyment: a gym membership, weekends away, shopping, better birthday and Christmas presents for people, more trips to The Emirates, buying nice things for my home, partying, you name it!
On top of all that, I have my sister and mother down the road, both of whom I'm really close to, and I live in a town and a flat that I adore.
I'm a lucky girl, so what's the matter with me?
Maybe it's the fact that I've had too much time to think, and have chosen to spend perhaps a little too much time alone. I feel anxious all the time, I'm drinking every single day to try and suppress it (yet failing miserably in doing so), I'm barely sleeping, I'm resurrecting memories that need to be left in their festering graves to rot, I'm feeling restless yet exhausted, and overall a little bit... deranged.
Maybe once I settle into my new job and back into a busy routine, things will return to normal - or as normal as things ever are where I'm concerned.
Until then, I'm going to keep busy and distracted and make the most of this time to myself - you can guarantee that once I'm surrounded by people for 16 hours a day again, I'll soon be offering my soul to Satan for a life of solitude.
Can't damn well win.
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